Sometimes I think about my past. I think about how I've always wanted to be a singer, but I didn't use to put a lot of work towards it. Sometimes I think, "If I could go back, I would do it differently." But the truth is I wouldn't. Unless I could go back in time while still being the person I am today, I couldn't do it differently. The reason I didn't make videos online or build a website when I was in high school was that I was too scared to. I was afraid that people at school would see it, and I would be embarrassed.
I have almost no problem posting anything on Twitter or youtube now. I'm more honest in my blogs that I tell unknown people to read. I've gotten a lot better about it. But I still feel hesitant to post on Instagram sometimes because a lot of people I know (Friends, family, co-workers) follow me. So, I'm not totally done with fear. Some fear I think is good, so I don't do anything dumb without caring. But I don't want to be afraid to be myself and show people what my voice can do.
I also know that my fear wasn't too misplaced. My voice wasn't as strong as it is now. My lyrics used to be corny, and I had no idea what I was doing when I first started producing. I'm more put together than I was. I'm just happy that I didn't stop. Even when I wasn't showing anyone my work, I was still growing and getting better.
I don't need to be perfect, and I will never be. It took a lot of self-reflection to realize and accept this. I can do 2 or 3 takes of a cover song and be satisfied enough to post it now. I can practice and take lessons, being as loud as I can be, knowing my roommates can hear me. It may have taken me a while to get here. But the journey has been worth it.